So, I have a confession to make. I'm not sure who is reading this, so apologies if you are reading something you have already heard about. But anyway, there has been a reason for my silence on my blog. Well two or three reasons actually. Which I am now about to share.
Firstly, mood wise, January to March are typically the months that I struggle with. And before anyone asks, no it isn't because I have SAD. I asked a MH professional if it was possible and they did not think so. No, the reason is that there are s lot of bad dates for me in terms of things that have gone wrong. So I always get a bit down. Usually it isn't that difficult to pull myself out of. Sadly, I didn't anticipate the second thing.
My grandad was diagnosed with cancer on his birthday. OK, they didn't know it was cancer at that point, they just knew he had a lump in his lung. They diagnosed it not long after. For some reason this hit me really really hard. I think I finally fully realised that the people I am closest to are not going to live forever, they are not indestructible. But dealing with that? For me it was hard. I can still remember when he used to pick me up to hug me. Or when I used to 'help' him dig on the allotment with my brother and sister, given the amount of times we used to get sidetracked by worms, I doubt we did much.
Up until this past few years, I have been really lucky, no one close to me had been seriously ill to this extent, then in the past 18 months I've witnessed two people I work with and love to pieces fight cancer, witnessed my mothers nervous breakdown following my parents splitting up and then seen my grandad get so ill fighting cancer. And you know, it is tough, life is tough. I realise I just need to get on with life with the support and love of friends and family who are there to pick up the pieces and keep you going.
Life, after all is for living not for sitting and waiting for each disaster.
Next blog will be more positive, and may contain pictures to make up for this depressing post.
